IDMf WORLD NEWS TONIGHT with Nuhme Ehrical
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Old 10-10-2014, 02:57 PM   #1
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IDMf WORLD NEWS TONIGHT with Nuhme Ehrical

Good evening, morning whatever the fuck time it is in your gloomy doomy part of the war-torn savage earth. Tonight's top stories...

Ebola is slowly killing everyone alive one by one at an alarming...ly slow pace. Officials think it may kill upwards of a hundred or so people by 2050, simply staggering.

A humanoid statue was discovered on Mars along with a ray gun, a spherical ball of dirt and a copy of the first Playboy magazine proving that aliens do exist and boy are they horny..and slightly behind the times.

ISIS has taken a new territory from Kurdish forces on Friday, a total of three square yards in a hard-fought victory that surely will lead to world domination in no time.

Kim Jong-un, still a complete tool, has contracted pink eye from looking through contaminated binoculars.

Vladimir Putin has dissed a chess player proving that he has way too much time on his hands also proving he is a complete douchebagosaurus, a rare type of douchebag only recently discovered.

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Old 10-10-2014, 03:04 PM   #2
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Re: IDMf WORLD NEWS TONIGHT with Nuhme Ehrical

Finally, news I can listen to! (Especially loved the ebola bit...so many people in my life are freaking the fuck out).

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Old 10-10-2014, 03:27 PM   #3
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Re: IDMf WORLD NEWS TONIGHT with Nuhme Ehrical

fingers crossed Ebola turns into a zombie virus, then I get to live out my fantasies.
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Old 10-10-2014, 03:36 PM   #4
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Re: IDMf WORLD NEWS TONIGHT with Nuhme Ehrical

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trebesch View Post
fingers crossed Ebola turns into a zombie virus, then I get to live out my fantasies.
It better be the "slow and stupid" kind of zombie and not those crazy shits from 28 Days Later...

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Old 10-10-2014, 03:39 PM   #5
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Re: IDMf WORLD NEWS TONIGHT with Nuhme Ehrical

npr:
steve jobs plan to give the president of the united states a rectal colonoscopy was thoroughly hatched when bill gates developed a downloadable app for the new samsung galaxy for paying customers, thereby successfully increasing his market share. This led to an all out turf war where apple was forced to tap into it's offshore bank accounts to paying third world party developers. However this didn't work because bill gates ratted out to the irs and got apple on income tax evasion. They were only able to avoid the charges by paying off the senate with a multi-flex refundable stock options in Apple inc. international. This chess move yieled remarkable dividends for the company as they effectively got the first bid for the upcoming renegotiation of the soon expiring defense contracts in the irani-afghan-pakastan conflict. A war in which they started by funding isis militants to help expand their social media network.

fox news:
buy mcdonalds

cnn:
hey look its anderson cooper

nbc:
tom cruise is starring in a bill gates biopic

abc:
our edgey sitcoms and dramas are not airing tonight because some idiot leaked a story.
We apologize for not being able to air grey's anatomy

60 minutes version of the story
steve jobs plan to give the president of the united states a rectal colonoscopy was thoroughly hatched when bill gates developed a downloadable app for the new samsung galaxy for paying customers, thereby successfully increasing his market share. This led to an all out turf war where apple was forced to tap into it's offshore bank accounts to paying third world party developers. However this didn't work because bill gates ratted out to the irs and got apple on income tax evasion. They were only able to avoid the charges by paying off the senate with a multi-flex refundable stock options in Apple inc. international. This chess move yieled remarkable dividends for the company as they effectively got the first bid for the upcoming renegotiation of the soon expiring defense contracts in the irani-afghan-pakastan conflict. A war in which they started by funding isis militants to help expand their social media network.

wikileaks:
blah blah blah documents
fuck you coprorate government

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Old 10-10-2014, 03:40 PM   #6
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Re: IDMf WORLD NEWS TONIGHT with Nuhme Ehrical

Who the fuck changed the channel?

Gimmy the remote.

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Old 10-10-2014, 03:59 PM   #7
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Re: IDMf WORLD NEWS TONIGHT with Nuhme Ehrical

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Originally Posted by RFJ View Post
Who the fuck changed the channel?

Gimmy the remote.
dog sat on it

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Old 10-10-2014, 04:19 PM   #8
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Re: IDMf WORLD NEWS TONIGHT with Nuhme Ehrical

I use an old tv from the 60s, no remote.

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Old 10-10-2014, 04:35 PM   #9
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Re: IDMf WORLD NEWS TONIGHT with Nuhme Ehrical

Quote:
Originally Posted by Numerical View Post
I use an old tv from the 60s, no remote.
Bet those analog tubes are way warmer than those new digital flat screens...

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Old 10-10-2014, 04:47 PM   #10
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Re: IDMf WORLD NEWS TONIGHT with Nuhme Ehrical

I've got a warm tube for all of you guys.

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Old 11-10-2014, 05:10 AM   #11
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Re: IDMf WORLD NEWS TONIGHT with Nuhme Ehrical

Let's all die. That'll show 'em.

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